Warning: Adult language.
Out Now!
Toys for
Boys
by K D Grace
(@kd_grace)
High tech meets low tech in a wilderness adventure that sizzles.
Inspiration On the Hoof:
One of the best holidays I ever had was a fourteen-day192 mile walk across England on the Wainwright Coast to Coast Path. The path begins at St. Bee’s Head, on the Irish Sea. It crosses the entire Lake District, then the Yorkshire Dales and finally the North York Moors, finishing at Robin Hood’s Bay on the North Sea. It was one of the hardest, most inspiring, most spectacular things I’d ever done. I don’t mind saying there were times I wasn’t sure I could finish it and there were times when I was a little bit scared, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Doing it again is exactly what I did when I wrote Toys for Boys. While Doc and Will’s adventure unfolded in my imagination, I got to live the whole experience of that wonderful walk over again while at the same time adding a few challenges and unexpected surprises for my boys.
One of the best holidays I ever had was a fourteen-day192 mile walk across England on the Wainwright Coast to Coast Path. The path begins at St. Bee’s Head, on the Irish Sea. It crosses the entire Lake District, then the Yorkshire Dales and finally the North York Moors, finishing at Robin Hood’s Bay on the North Sea. It was one of the hardest, most inspiring, most spectacular things I’d ever done. I don’t mind saying there were times I wasn’t sure I could finish it and there were times when I was a little bit scared, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Doing it again is exactly what I did when I wrote Toys for Boys. While Doc and Will’s adventure unfolded in my imagination, I got to live the whole experience of that wonderful walk over again while at the same time adding a few challenges and unexpected surprises for my boys.
Toys for Boys Blurb: Alpha nerd Will Charles teams up with Caridoc ‘Doc’ Jones in a coast to coast walk across England reviewing outdoor gift suggestions for the Christmas edition of Toys for Boys—an online magazine dedicated to the latest gadgets to tickle a man’s fancy. Will is recording their adventures with the latest smart phone technology. Doc is reviewing the latest outdoor gear. The two quickly discover the great outdoors provides even better toys for boys, toys best shared al fresco, toys that, in spite of Will’s great camera work, will never be reviewed in Toys for Boys.
Toys for Boys -- Rough Beginnings -- An Excerpt:
“You’re late,” Doc said to Will fucking Charles, who was supposed to meet him at St. Bees Head an hour ago.
At Toys for Boys, Will Charles’ moniker was ‘The Alpha Nerd.’ Doc had read some of his reviews and articles but never met him. Since T4B, as they all called it, was an online magazine, he’d never met any of the people who worked there, and he liked that just fine. The best part of freelancing was no neurotic colleagues and no idiot supervisor looking over his shoulder. Will Charles reviewed computers, smart phones, and games—rubbish like that, while Doc reviewed all the stuff that gave the outdoorsy blokes a hard-on. It was late in the season to be walking the Coast to Coast, but T4B wanted the walk and the boys’ toys that would accompany Will and Doc on said walk to be a part of their big Christmas issue, which was always driven by shameless consumerism and chock full of the expensive shit to buy for the man who has everything. The article would be atmospheric, they said. It would be fun, they said.
Alpha Nerd, his left nut, Doc thought. The skinny geek with the expensive-looking iPhone could have passed for a twelve-year-old—spotty face, heavy-rimmed glasses and all. Looked like Doc’s dream walk was about to become a babysitting job for some wimpy-arsed kid who would whine every time he didn’t have a WiFi connection for his little games on his little phone. Doc wondered how the hell the bloke could even heft the backpack sitting on the floor beside him, and those brand new, straight-out-of-the-box walking boots guaranteed major blisters. This was supposed to be twelve glorious days alone on the Wainwright Coast to Coast path across England. This was supposed to be total outdoor bliss. He had been looking forward to it for months and then, at the last minute, T4B ruined it all by insisting Will fucking Charles tag along with his expensive little camera phone to record the event. Bromance, they said. Adventure and companionship, they said. Merry fucking Christmas! T4B didn’t pay him nearly enough for this shit.
“We’ve got fourteen and a half miles to walk today, and the rain isn’t going to make it any easier.” He nodded to where his own pack sat by the table in the corner of the Seacote Hotel where he’d slugged back enough coffee to guarantee he’d be caffeine-fuelled for at least part of that distance; the rest he’d be off in the bushes, pissing.
As he turned to go, the lad just looked at him like he’d spoken Chinese. “Is that the smart phone you’re supposed to be reviewing?” Doc snapped. “Do you need it to translate for you, maybe? Hope it’s smart enough to figure out how we can make up for the lost time you cost us.”
“That’s just an iPhone,” came a voice from behind. “This is the device I’ll be reviewing.” To Doc’s horror, he turned to find himself being videoed by a man who definitely passed as an alpha—an alpha bastard at the moment. The sleek black device he pointed at Doc was labeled urBrain in gold letters. Seriously? Were T4B having a laugh?
Doc gritted his teeth and tried to count to ten, but only made it to three. “Perhaps you’d like to turn off urBrain before I cram it up urArse?”
Undaunted by Doc’s threat, the bloke continued to video as he added, “As for young Nigel here, well, I rather think his boss at the Seacote might have something to say about him following us on the Coast to Coast. Nice boots,” he said to the kid.
Just then, an American tourist the size of a bus blew in through the door, tipped Nigel and thanked him in a very southern accent. He hefted the backpack with a grunt, and headed out into the rain. “As for this little jewel,” Doc turned his attention back to the real Will fucking Charles, “well if I hadn’t had this lovely piece of kit to guide me on an alternative route, I’d still be sitting in traffic behind the overturned tractor with everyone else heading for St. Bees Head this lovely morning. So there, you see. It’s already saved us time. Oh, sorry,” he said, offering his hand. “I’m Will.” Before Doc could do more than gawp, the man slid an arm around him and guided him seamlessly into a selfie.
“Day one of the Wainwright Coast to Coast, and after a near disaster,” he spoke for the camera, “I’m here with Caradoc ‘Doc’ Jones, the Welsh woodsman and outdoorsman extraordinaire, about to head into the rain towards our first stop at Ennerdale Bridge. Say hi, Doc.”
Doc managed a wave and a grimace of a smile at urBrain, and Will continued. “We have 192 miles and twelve days to get from St. Bees Head on the Irish Sea all the way across England to Robin Hood’s Bay on the North Sea, with fourteen and a half miles to make today, so best get on with it.”
“You’re late,” Doc said to Will fucking Charles, who was supposed to meet him at St. Bees Head an hour ago.
At Toys for Boys, Will Charles’ moniker was ‘The Alpha Nerd.’ Doc had read some of his reviews and articles but never met him. Since T4B, as they all called it, was an online magazine, he’d never met any of the people who worked there, and he liked that just fine. The best part of freelancing was no neurotic colleagues and no idiot supervisor looking over his shoulder. Will Charles reviewed computers, smart phones, and games—rubbish like that, while Doc reviewed all the stuff that gave the outdoorsy blokes a hard-on. It was late in the season to be walking the Coast to Coast, but T4B wanted the walk and the boys’ toys that would accompany Will and Doc on said walk to be a part of their big Christmas issue, which was always driven by shameless consumerism and chock full of the expensive shit to buy for the man who has everything. The article would be atmospheric, they said. It would be fun, they said.
Alpha Nerd, his left nut, Doc thought. The skinny geek with the expensive-looking iPhone could have passed for a twelve-year-old—spotty face, heavy-rimmed glasses and all. Looked like Doc’s dream walk was about to become a babysitting job for some wimpy-arsed kid who would whine every time he didn’t have a WiFi connection for his little games on his little phone. Doc wondered how the hell the bloke could even heft the backpack sitting on the floor beside him, and those brand new, straight-out-of-the-box walking boots guaranteed major blisters. This was supposed to be twelve glorious days alone on the Wainwright Coast to Coast path across England. This was supposed to be total outdoor bliss. He had been looking forward to it for months and then, at the last minute, T4B ruined it all by insisting Will fucking Charles tag along with his expensive little camera phone to record the event. Bromance, they said. Adventure and companionship, they said. Merry fucking Christmas! T4B didn’t pay him nearly enough for this shit.
“We’ve got fourteen and a half miles to walk today, and the rain isn’t going to make it any easier.” He nodded to where his own pack sat by the table in the corner of the Seacote Hotel where he’d slugged back enough coffee to guarantee he’d be caffeine-fuelled for at least part of that distance; the rest he’d be off in the bushes, pissing.
As he turned to go, the lad just looked at him like he’d spoken Chinese. “Is that the smart phone you’re supposed to be reviewing?” Doc snapped. “Do you need it to translate for you, maybe? Hope it’s smart enough to figure out how we can make up for the lost time you cost us.”
“That’s just an iPhone,” came a voice from behind. “This is the device I’ll be reviewing.” To Doc’s horror, he turned to find himself being videoed by a man who definitely passed as an alpha—an alpha bastard at the moment. The sleek black device he pointed at Doc was labeled urBrain in gold letters. Seriously? Were T4B having a laugh?
Doc gritted his teeth and tried to count to ten, but only made it to three. “Perhaps you’d like to turn off urBrain before I cram it up urArse?”
Undaunted by Doc’s threat, the bloke continued to video as he added, “As for young Nigel here, well, I rather think his boss at the Seacote might have something to say about him following us on the Coast to Coast. Nice boots,” he said to the kid.
Just then, an American tourist the size of a bus blew in through the door, tipped Nigel and thanked him in a very southern accent. He hefted the backpack with a grunt, and headed out into the rain. “As for this little jewel,” Doc turned his attention back to the real Will fucking Charles, “well if I hadn’t had this lovely piece of kit to guide me on an alternative route, I’d still be sitting in traffic behind the overturned tractor with everyone else heading for St. Bees Head this lovely morning. So there, you see. It’s already saved us time. Oh, sorry,” he said, offering his hand. “I’m Will.” Before Doc could do more than gawp, the man slid an arm around him and guided him seamlessly into a selfie.
“Day one of the Wainwright Coast to Coast, and after a near disaster,” he spoke for the camera, “I’m here with Caradoc ‘Doc’ Jones, the Welsh woodsman and outdoorsman extraordinaire, about to head into the rain towards our first stop at Ennerdale Bridge. Say hi, Doc.”
Doc managed a wave and a grimace of a smile at urBrain, and Will continued. “We have 192 miles and twelve days to get from St. Bees Head on the Irish Sea all the way across England to Robin Hood’s Bay on the North Sea, with fourteen and a half miles to make today, so best get on with it.”
Note: Toys for Boys has been previously published as part of the Brit Boys: With Toys boxed set.
Buy Toys for Boys Here:
Universal Amazon link: http://mybook.to/toysforboys
Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/2jPjrN2
iBooks: http://apple.co/2jpYvxK
Kobo: http://bit.ly/2kbYbQa
Smashwords: http://bit.ly/2kmFbRg
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